Watership Down: the parody
by lozza1989
Summary: This is a parody of the 1978 version of Watership down. This is my first Watership down fic and I'm going to try and improve it as I go along into the story.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Long ago, about a zillion years into the past, Lord Frith created the world and he made all the animals, Lions, tigers, bears, goats,apes and even rabbits. The first Rabbit to be created was El-ahrairah who was also known as the prince of rabbits, but he preferred to be called El-ahrairah by all his friends whom he had many off and they all ate grass and even danced together.

"Who wants to have a dance?" El-ahrairah asked the other animals.

"We do" the animals replied. El-ahrairah and the animals all stood in a line and did the macarena. Soon, more Rabbits were arriving and they were went around eating all the food the greedy buggers, so now the animals had no food to eat.

"We don't have any food oh great lord Frith" all the animals said " please do something to solve this problem." So Frith went to tell El-ahrairah to control his people.

"But we rabbits are the strongest creatures in the world" El-ahrairah bragged, showing off his muscles.

"We will see about that" Lord Frith replied. So he went and created new animals, such as he cat, the dog, the fox, the badger,the weasel and the hawk, and he gave them the ultimate desire to hunt Rabbits.

"Uh-oh,dangerous animals are coming to get me" El-ahrairah pointed out " now I must make a burrow to hide in." So he started digging into the ground when Frith showed up, looking for El-ahrairah who had his head inside the burrow so he assumed he was another rabbit.

"Excuse me" Frith said "but have you seen El-ahrairah, I wish to give him a gift."

"No I haven't seen him" El-ahrairah lied "if you leave this gift with me, I could take it to him for you if you want."

" Ok, come out and I will give you the gift" Frith ordered "I will bless you."

"No I cannot at the moment, I am busy, the fox and weasel are after me and I must built this burrow so I can hide in it, so if you want to bless me, you will have to give it to my bottom."

So Frith did so and El-ahrairah's tail turned white and sprakly, his feet grew long and he became the fastest Rabbit, so fast that all his enemies were unable to catch him and Frith had given him a very important message to El-ahrairah.

"All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies and whenever they catch you, they will probably do a dance of victory which might just give you the chance to sneak away and escape before the dance of victory is finished, so be cunning, full of tricks and your people will never be destroyed."

"So, all I have to do is sneak away while our enemies do a victory dance for catching me?" El-ahrairah asked.

"Yes" Frith replied "now get the hell out of my sight." So El-ahrairah hopped away into the distant.

One milion years later.

It was a lovely day in the english country side and a group of Rabbits were all out in the field having lunch. One of the rabbits, Hazel was checking to see if it was save to come checking, he hopped out into the field and turned to his younger brother Fiver who was pretty nervous about coming out into the field.

"Come on" Hazel said "there's nothing to be scared about, it's perfectly safe."

"But, I feel as if something is coming" the runty Rabbit replied as he joined his older brother "there's something really strange about the warren this evening."

"You're imagining things again Fiver" hazel replied "why don't you go and find me a Cowslip."

"Ok" Fiver replied as he went to look for a cowslip. He found one a few minutes later and was about to take a bite out of it when he was pushed away by two abnormally large rabbits.

"What the hell do you think you are doing you pathetic little squirt?" one of the big Rabbits asked.

"I I I" Fiver stated nervously.

"What he is trying to say that he found it first Toadflex" Hazel said, standing up for his brother.

"Don't you know nothing, cowslips are for the Owsla only, now get gone before we arrest you both for trying to eat our lunch"Toadflex warned.

_Sheesh, someones got out of the wrong side of the burrow this morning_ Hazel thought before he turned to Fiver who was shaking with fear.

"Come on, let's go and find some carrots or something." The two Rabbits hopped a little further down the field when Fiver saw what appeared to be a sign and the end of a cigarette underneath it.

" Oh Hazel, we must leave the warren , there's a bad danger coming and we must go now" Fiver stated.

"What are you talking about?" Hazel asked. Fiver looked around and saw images of the field turning red.

"The field is covered with blood, the field is covered with Blood" Fiver yelled who was now running around in circles "we must leave now, something bad is coming, something really bad, redrum redrum redrum."

"I have no idea what those last three words meant" Hazel replied "You haven't been sniffing the white powdery stuff again,have you, remember when you did and you assumed that I turned pink."

"But I haven't been sniffing the white powdery stuff " Fiver replied "I am almost certain of it this time."

"Well, perhaps we should go and see the chief Rabbit and tell him about it." So Hazel and Fiver hopped off to see the chief rabbit when they came across another Rabbit who was singing,

"In the burrow, the mighty burrow, the Rabbit sleeps tonight."

"Hi Bigwig" hazel greeted.

"Good god don't sneak up on me like that while I'm the middle of singing" Bigwig replied "I was just about to do the best part, awee eeee aweambambaway."

"I'm sorry, but me and Fiver need to see the chief Rabbit right away" Hazel said.

"Well I don't think that is such a good idea" Bigwig replied "his arthritis is playing up again and he can't come outside."

"Well, we must go into the burrow and tell him" Hazel said "now you be a good Bunny and inform him that me and Fiver want to see him."

"Fine, but if I get my ears chewed off, I'm holding you both responsible" Bigwig warned before he jumped down into the nearest Rabbit hole. He appeared a few seconds later.

"The chief Rabbit will see you now." So Hazel and Fiver followed Bigwig into the burrow and he took them to see the chief Rabbit who was a really old Rabbit that if he was a human, he would be in his eightys.

"Ah, you must be walnut" he said to Hazel.

"No sir it's.." Hazel began before was interupted by a Rabbit named Stinky who had a serious gas problem that he let off a stinker which he often did.

"Stinky" Hazel yelled in an annoyed tone. Stinky the Rabbit turned red and quickly hopped away.

"So, Stinky is it?" the chief rabbit said To Hazel.

_No it isn't you demented old fool_ Hazel thought but decided agaisnt saying it to his face.

"Sir, My Brother Fiver here says there is a bad Danger coming and that we must leave the warren right away" Hazel explained.

"We must go away now" Fiver yelled "before it's too late."

"Absolutley out of the question" the chief Rabbit replied "it is the mating season and I am not going anywhere."

_You got plans old man? _Hazel thought. Fiver screamed and ran out of the burrow yelling "We are all going to die."

"Well, thankyou for coming Stinky" The chief Rabbit said "leave now as my Arthritis is playing up again." Hazel hopped off and Bigwig tried to follow him, but the chief Rabbit called him back.

"Get back here Bigwig, I need you to sort my hip out" the Chief Rabbit ordered.

"Coming" Bigwig sighed. Back outside the burrow. Hazel asked Fiver when the best time to leave the Warren was.

"Tonight, we must tell all the other Rabbits to meet us here at midnight and then we can flee this warren and find a new one" Fiver informed.

"Very well, tonight it is" Hazel replied.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

At midnight, all the Rabbits that lived in the warren, except for the owsla who where too stubborn to believe what Fiver had said about a bad thing coming met up in a secret located area.

"Ok, now I must check that everyone is here" Hazel announced "ahem ok we've got Pipkin, Silver, Dandelion, Violet, Blackberry, the american family of rabbits the niffins."

"I can't bloody believe we have to leave here after immigrated here two months ago" said a young rabbit kitten with an rugby ball shaped head and a scowl "why the deuce do we have to leave anyway?"

"Well if what Fiver says is true then we have to leave just to be on the save side Stewnut" Hazel replied"ok, now are all the Rabbits here?"

"Everyone except the owsla" Fiver pointed out "they wouldn't allow the Rabbits to leave."

"Well, they are all down in some burrow somewhere, probably playing Rabbit poker or something, so this is our chance to leave" Hazel replied "ok, let's get going before someone notices how suspicious we all look." So, the rabbits all headed off to the clearing when they noticed that the Owsla was out on patrol and as soon as they saw all the fleeing Rabbits, they chased after them.

"The Owsla is coming" Hazel informed "quickly before they catch up." Luckily, Hazel, Fiver, Pipkin, Silver, Violet, Dandelion and Blackberry had all managed to escape the owsla but the rest were caught.

"Alright, you lot, get back to your burrows and stay there" Toadflex ordered.

"You will suffer greatly" Stewnut declared "when the world is mine, your deaths shall be slow and painful. Victory will be mine."

"We haven't got them all" one owsla member informed "there's eight missing."

"Well" said captain Holly, the leader of the Owsla "get this miserable bunch back to their burrows and I will find the others." The other Rabbits were escorted back to the warren and Holly went off to find the other eight who were all running in a ditch.

"Why must I run on a full stomach" the fat little Rabbit Pipkin gasped "I should never have eaten those ten carrots before we all met up." The Rabbits where halfway down the ditch when they ran into Bigwig.

"There isn't many of you left is there" he pointed out.

"Aren't you supposed to be with the owsla?" Dandelion asked.

"No, I've quit the owsla" Bigwig replied "I've been thinking about what Fiver said and If it's true then I don't want to stay and find out,plus the owsla was boring anyway."

"So,whata re you going to do now?" hazel asked.

"Go with you guys I suppose" Bigwig replied just as Captain Holly jumped in front of them all.

"You lot are under arrest for trying to leave the warren" he declared.

"But there's a big bad danger coming" Fiver replied "and we must…."

"Silence" Holly yelled making Fiver squeak and jump behind Hazel. Bigwig jumped on Holly and pushed him to the ground.

"Bigwig, what are you doing here?" Holly asked with confusion.

"I have quit the owsla and there is nothing you can do about it" Bigwig replied.

"That's it, I'm getting the owsla" Holly replied as he stood up and hopped off.

"Let's get out of here before the owsla get's here" Bigwig said. Soon, they were all running out of the ditch when they came to a woodland.

"Let's go in that scary looking wood area, that way the owsla won't follow us" Hazel informed.

"But, it looks dangerous and really really scary" Violet pointed out.

"Well I'm not afraid of anything" Bigwig replied, trying to look tough then running into the woodland.

"Show off" Silver muttered as Pipkin snickered. The other rabbits ran into the big scary woods when a badger jumped out.

"Lendri alert, Lendri alert" Bigwig yelled, running around. The badger was joined by ten other badgers and they all stood in a line.

"What are they doing?" Fiver asked.

"I don't know" Pipkin replied. Suddenly, the badgers started dancing and singing.

"Badger,badger,badger,badger,badger,mushroom, mushroom,badger,badger,badger,badger,badger,mushroom. Mushrooom."

"What are they doing?" Dandelion asked.

"it appears that they are doing what appears to be a lendri boogaloo" Hazel replied.

"What's a lendri boogaloo?" Fiver asked.

"I've heard it's a dance routine that the lendri's do at midnight" Pipkin replied.

"Well let's get out of here and where is Bigwig?" Hazel asked. Bigwig was joining in with the dancing badgers.

"Badger badger badger badger, mushroom mushroom" he sang.

"Bigwig" hazel yelled "we're going."

"Ok" Bigwig sighed as he left the badgers who were still dancing and Fiver was starting to get into the groove.

"Don't you start Fiver" Hazel said.

"But it has such a good rhythm, I cannot resist it" Fiver replied as he started doing the dance moves. Sighing, Hazel pushed his Brother away from the dancing badgers.

The next morning, the rabbits all came towards a river.

"Looks like we'll have to cross it" hazel informed.

"You got to be kidding" Bigwig replied "you don't know what's in there or what's been in there."

"It looks clean anyway" Hazel said as he checked it ,they heard a barking sound.

"Ahhh What's that?" Fiver yelled, jumping three feet in the air.

"I'll go and check it out" Bigwig replied before going to find out where it was coming from when he saw a border collie sniffing around the wood area.

"There's a dog lose in the woods" he told the others.

"So, cross the river we must" Silver said.

"But I can't swim" Fiver said "and neither can pipkin."

"We have to get across somehow" Violet said.

"Ureka, I have found something" Blackberry told the others. It was a piece of wood.

"It floats, it floats, it floats, it floats" Blackberry said over and over again.

"yes we get the message Blackberry" hazel replied "ok Fiver, you jump on first and you go after him Pipkin." Fiver jumped onto the wood but lost his balance and fell into the water.

"There goes the runt" Bigwig pointed out.

"It's ok, I got him" Blackberry siad as he pulled Fiver back onto the board as the Dog came sniffing round the river.

"Ruff ruff, I Hungry" the dog said in a voice very like scooby doo's.

"Right, Bigwig, Silver you push the wood across the water and the rest of us will swim across"Hazel instructed. So Bigwig and Silver pushed the piece of wood across the river with Fiver and pipkin stood on top of it. When they reached the other side, the Dog's owner called him back.

"Good riddance you flea bidden flea bag" Bigwig yelled as the dog ran away.

"Right,so Fiver, were should we go?" hazel asked.

"To the hills, far far away" Fiver replied " A place where we can live in peace from bad things."

"Ok then , let's get the hell out of here" Bigwig said as he ran off. The other rabbits shrugged and followed after him.


End file.
